I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
