you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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