But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
