Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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