I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
