Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
this hospital has no fireball
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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