I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
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