just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
