I CAN MOONWALK!
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
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