hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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