im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
