That's when you crack a 10am beer
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
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