My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
