guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
