He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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