I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Sext me about skeletons
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
