Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Randomize
