youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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