its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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