she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
