there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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