im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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