well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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