at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
