I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
you would pick up someone in the library
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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