Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
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