I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
