She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
