wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Randomize
