I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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