Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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