I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
