I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
