I hate your face
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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