Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I could make wine with my vomit
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
