Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
