my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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