Where did you get a picture of my penis
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
