The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
