she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
