At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
If I die, sorry about rent.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
