her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Randomize
