I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
