hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize