lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
