This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
