Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
