Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
