I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
