"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
