Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
