But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
