pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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