I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
