you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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