i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
