whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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