Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
