Where did you get a picture of my penis
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
