dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
