those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
