Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
