I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize