I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
