You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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