we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
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