please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
