I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
