I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
