I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
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