sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize