i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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