Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
