apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
